Life · Parenthood

How are you doing in life?

If you’re reading this post and you are someone in my life, meaning someone that knows me more than as a mere acquaintance, this post is not about you. If for some reason it hits close to your heart and you think I am writing it with you in mind, I assure you I’m not. If you still don’t believe me, just reach out and ask me before you assume. 😊

It certainly goes without saying that this year has been one of deep reflection for many of us due to the impact of Covid19. As businesses closed down and our children went to remote learning and we were told to quarantine, the busyness of our life changed significantly for many. The small things that we took for granted and the life we were so used to, whether we liked the rhythm or not, did a 180 for so many people. One thing I heard over and over was that it put many things in perspective – in particular family time and where all that busyness was taking us.

With this thought in mind, I started to wonder recently, what is that little alarm that goes off in a person’s life that finally causes them to look around, take a step back and observe what their life has become and admit to themselves “this is not right.” No matter how much you have successfully pretended in the past or ignored what made you feel not so good; one day you realize the things you might have told yourself like “I don’t see the wrong”, “It doesn’t bother me so much”, or “It isn’t quite so bad” doesn’t quite cut it anymore. How long until you let yourself admit, this IS wrong? Why am I accepting this? And then suddenly you know there is nothing else to do than make a change.

The last couple of months have been a time of unexpected change, some which I knew were long coming and necessary. However, even when you expect it, change still has a way of throwing you off. We are such creatures of habit and comfort and we easily get used to certain situations or environments even when we know they aren’t they healthiest or most positive. We make excuses to make it tolerable because we try to outweigh the pros with the cons, until one day you realize no amount of pros can justify carrying the weight of not being happy with the situation. So you make a change, and even when it’s one you wanted, it still takes adjusting to.

I stand firm in my belief that I’m doing the right thing and this change we chose is showing Celeste that change, even when we weren’t expecting it, can be a good thing because although there may be feelings of nervousness and uncertainty, there is also great potential for growth and possibilities. That’s been my focus these last few weeks, because at the end of the day this will be one in many many changes that will come our way throughout life.

The first time I explained change to Celeste I actually used the arrival of her birth as a positive example of change. I told her how sometimes change happens unexpectedly and you’re not prepared for it and it’s completely normal to feel nervous and excited. Then I told her sometimes there’s change you want with all your heart, and you wait and pray and wonder why it’s not happening. I told her how prior to knowing we were pregnant with her, we were ready to have a baby and we tried for two years and nothing happened. I explained how we desired that change and to start a family and welcome a baby, and when it didn’t happen right away and I saw other friends having babies, a bit of fear started to creep in. The “what if” I couldn’t get pregnant. And then one day like any other, I found out I was pregnant and how happy we were once we finally got the good news. How much we were looking forward to that change. She loved hearing that story and it helped her to express how excited and also nervous she had been feeling.

We recently had also experienced the passing of our sweet bulldog Biggie after having him in our life for almost 11 years. It’s the most heartbreaking loss Celeste and Elysse have experienced in their early life. It was a change that we didn’t expect to happen when it did, and so suddenly. I couldn’t shield them from that heartbreak and I know life will present so many more situations like that which will build their resilience. As a parent I need to be able to allow our children to experience it and help them get through it, and the same applies to us.

I think the biggest lesson I’ve taken is that nothing is permanent and that it is up to you which direction you go, depending on the values and morals that are important to you. We are all responsible for the choices we make and the decisions we take…or don’t take. I’ve learned that moving on from a comfort zone can be hard, because of fear of the unknown. It takes courage and trust in God to surrender and realize that there is potential for growth and tremendous possibilities that you can’t even begin to imagine. I’ve learned that some change comes because you want it and other change comes because of a sort of domino effect that was originally out of your control, and the next step you take depends again on where your values and morals are. It takes time to pause, reflect and honestly ask yourself where is it that I want this decision to lead me and my family?

I’ve learned that as long as you are being truthful to yourself and your family (I’m thinking of my husband and kids) and honoring what your family values and morals are, even if everyone else is going in a different direction…have the courage and strength to keep steadfast on your path.

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