When the world and what’s happening around us begins to feel heavy and out of control, I have to stop and remind myself that everything is a choice.
I get to choose the energy that I allow to rest inside me, the thoughts that I let linger in my mind, and most importantly what I allow and don’t allow to fuel me. It’s not always easy. Some days I have to be extra conscious of what that means for my heart. Some days it feels like a battle through a muddy sea weighing me down. Other days it’s much easier.
I can’t control what happens around me, only how I respond to it and I want to choose better. I don’t want to be angry, bitter or hopeless. So every day, despite what may be going on around me, I choose to feel hopeful, positive, and encouraged.
Now more than ever I feel like in order to achieve that I must lean more into God because nothing in the world is going to be able to provide what I need in order to be able to choose better. Only He can.
All it takes is to look around within the four walls of my home, and I realize that it all begins here. Home is where the difference happens. Here is where I fight my biggest battle against my own triggers and trying to be a better person for my daughters. Home is where my choice to be better first takes flight and has the most impact.
Today for example, I was having a hard time with my oldest. She’s such a good kid and is great with listening and following directions. Like all kids she has moments where things just feel off. I was interpreting her behavior as moody and it was triggering so many negative emotions in me. Frustration, annoyance, impatience. I was glad my husband was home because as my tongue was getting the best of me he walked in and intervened in the kindest way possible (thankfully) where I didn’t feel attacked and where instead I was reminded gently and respectfully that my approach wasn’t working and that I should let him handle it.
Normally I would be so set off by an interjection like that, but like I said, his tone and delivery were exactly what my impatient heart needed at that moment and I was able to choose better.
Eventually Celeste and I talked and she asked me if we could sit on the couch and share our emotions. We sat there together side by side hugging and she shared that she missed Biggie so much as tears rolled down her eyes. I let my tears fall down too and told her it was okay to feel that way and that I felt the same feelings too sometimes.
I don’t always get it right but I am trying everyday to choose better.