I could sure use a pep talk right now.

I was walking Elysse in her stroller when out of nowhere this sadness and feeling of discouragement hit me. Actually I shouldn’t say out of nowhere because I know exactly the thought that triggered my feelings.

I was thinking about a friend of mine and how a couple years ago she had this awakening for herself and knew that she needed to pursue her passion to be an elementary school teacher. No matter what. And she went for it and now she’s a teacher. I thought about how proud and happy I am for her. And suddenly I thought, its no wonder that they say find what your passionate about and turn it into your job. Because although it doesn’t mean you’re always going to wake up eager to go to work, because you’ll have on and off days, but at least you’ll know you’re doing what you love and there’s purpose.

And that’s missing for me.

I work in an office for a company that’s in the steel industry, and while I do love having the time away from my role as a mom and wife to get the breather that going into the office provides for me, I am not passionate about what I do. It’s not like I wake up excited and thrilled, even on my on days. I do go in happy most days but I know in my heart that isn’t where my purpose is.

My discouragement comes from feeling like I never had that awakening even though I have always felt God telling me I have a purpose in life, a gift to share. The problem is either I just let fear shut it out or I’m too afraid to really dig deep and pursue it, and instead I settled for the comfort of a well paying flexible job.

I need to figure out where to go from here, what to do with that feeling and thought. Because right now I feel sad and confused and typically life causes me to just push these thoughts aside until the next time it comes back again. I need to get closer to God so that I can hear him and hopefully he can help me get to where I need to be and figure this out because this emotion and these thoughts about purpose keep coming back to me.