Sometimes I fall into this dark head space and I feel like I just turn numb inside. It feels like I stop caring and it feels scary to me.

It feels scary because I am someone who feels deeply. I genuinely care about people and their well being, and what they may feel or think. And when this numb feeling comes over me, I don’t care about anyone because I feel lost, and that scares me.

I have a pattern now to get myself slowly out of it. I start to listen to this playlist that I created with songs that stir strong feelings of sorrow in me. I check myself out from the world and I just go through the motions of my responsibilities while I let the words from the songs whirl around in my mind until eventually I find the song that breaks me.

Tonight, it was Lost by Michael Buble. I hadn’t heard this song in such a long time, like at least 5 years. It wasn’t even on that playlist but I suddenly remembered it because I was feeling so melancholy.

So there I was folding the clothes in the dryer when I played the song and then I leaned forward and rested my elbows on the dryer and closed my eyes and burst into tears.

Tears because I feel sadness, and I’m really trying, and because I believe in the genuine goodness of people, but sometimes people suck and disappoint you and you feel like the biggest failure because you can’t fix it or figure it out.

So I just covered my face with my hands and cried.

I know I’m going to be okay, this feeling doesn’t last forever, it passes. It always does.

And, God willing, when I wake up tomorrow I will go back to smiling and clinging to God and my hope and the goodness of people and the goodness in me.