My heart and my mind are still unable to process or comprehend what has happened.

As I lay in the middle of my two girls tonight, waiting for the calm and darkness of the night to settle them into sleep, my thoughts went to a thousand plus miles away where my aunt is experiencing the pain of knowing she’ll never hold her youngest girl again.

I fell asleep alongside my girls and when I woke up and quietly left their room, my heart sank at the realization that everything that happened today is real.

My 28 year old cousin died today in a horrible and tragic car accident.

She had just celebrated her birthday two days ago. We had messaged. My aunt had sent me some photos of what a wonderful day she had had, with cake and funny hat and all.

I see the beautiful words and expressions of love for her as little by little our family has begun to post of her and I’m at a loss of what to say. I am so deeply saddened by this. I see her photos and I can’t believe she’s gone.

I go from nauseous, to numb, to calm to crying. And I try to remember what Celeste said to me, that she will be forever in our hearts. And still my heart sinks.