Since I can remember music has been a powerful source of comfort, escape, self expression, and so much more for me.
One of my fondest memories was singing in the school choir during my middle school years. I always felt alive when I was singing or performing on stage and probably one of my biggest regrets is that I didn’t continue singing in choir when I got into High School or get into drama classes or continue dancing.
That’s my other fond memory. Dancing. Music. Put them both together and it feels like something amazing awakens inside of me. When I was probably 7-10 years old my parents had me in Ballet and Tap classes and the most thrilling moment was going on stage to perform. It didn’t matter that I wasn’t the star or the best, all that mattered was I got to be on stage and express myself through the beautiful art that is dance and song.
In Junior High I was blessed with an amazing teacher that exposed our choir group to some of the most amazing music. From Les Miserables to the traditional Christmas melodies and so much more. Songs that had such amazing melodies and high pitches that I often wonder how in the world I hit those notes back then. I only wish I had recordings of those moments. Trips to nearby cities and schools where we would compete with other schools. Those moments were magical for me.
So it’s no wonder that to this day, music is my comfort, my happy place, my escape and my safe place when I need one or all of those things. Whatever your favorite style may be, I think it is unbelievably rad if you can lose yourself and find your story in a song.
When I am lost in dance I can go from belting out my favorite George Strait songs (Country music yes!!) in the middle of my living room, to dancing with all the gusto I can muster to Footloose (heck yeah!!) until I feel like my legs and heart are burning inside me, to lifting my arms up in praise over a God loving song.
Yes, God, he is at the core of my heart and soul and has been for the past decade. The immense and powerful love and faith I feel for His power to provide hope and encouragement is like no other for me.
There was a time, when I felt at one of my lowest and darkest points, that these words would remind me that I was more than the sum of my feelings and the moment I was living through…
Oh to be like you. Give all I have just to know you. Jesus there’s no one besides you. Forever the hope in my heart….The day and it’s troubles shall come. I know that your strength is enough. The Scandal of Grace, you died in my place, so my soul will live…
Or when I would be crying and praying and trying to make sense of why I was in that dark place, these words would give me so much hope. It’s especially hard to ignore the emotion and build up during the amazing crescendo that leads to that feeling of here is my life, I surrender it to you. Have. Your. Way.
Here I stand, arms open wide. Oh oh oh, I am yours and you are mine, Jesus. Take my moments and my days, let each breath that I take be ever only for you oh God. My whole life is yours, I give it all, surrender to your name And forever I will pray, have your way, have your way!!
My whole life is yours, I give it all, surrender to your name, and forever I will pray, have your way, have your way!!
For me, it was what I needed. To stand there, arms open, heart open. To fully surrender and tell God… Have. Your. Way. Because I certainly couldn’t understand and live that moment on my own.
This is what worked for me. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, but it worked and continues to work. For me.
And today my song is Raise a Hallelujah. The chorus is just WOW! For me. I listen on repeat to the version by Jonathan David Helser & Melissa Helser.
I raise a Hallelujah with everything inside of me. I raise a Hallelujah, I will watch the darkness flee…Fear you lost your hold on me. I’m gonna sing in the middle of the storm, louder and louder you’re gonna hear my praises roar… Sing a little louder (in the presence of my enemies) sing a little louder (louder than the unbelief) sing a little louder (my weapons is a melody)
I wish I could say that I’m the kind of person that doesn’t give a damn about someone being mean or hurtful to me. Maybe I’m too sensitive. Maybe the person is just being downright shitty and mean. Maybe you’ll think me weak, but when the enemy tries to get the best of me – and by enemy I mean the self doubt, the negative words that begin as a creation by someone else or something else which then mixes and gets stirred into something greater in my mind, this song right here reminds me that fear and doubt don’t have a hold on me. That I am more than the sum of every high and every low. His love and the music that reminds me of His love remind me that I am His.
I am flawed in so many ways, and yet I know that I am a good person and that I am doing my best every day. Every morning I get up and I try all over again. And some days come with more victories and others with more failures, but at the end of the day, all that matters to me is I am His and I surrender my life fully to Him.
And that my weapon is truly a melody.