It’s been quite a while since I’ve been on here. Sorry about that. That’s not to say I haven’t been writing though. I’ve just taken to the old fashioned way of pen and paper. I even filled up an entire journal book from front to end. I think that may be a first for me. My husband says he’s never known anyone to have as many journals as I do.
Writing has always been a source of healing for me and that’s what the last few months since I’ve been on here have been. Putting my thoughts on paper sometimes helps me better understand that which afflicts me.
I won’t go through it all again here but I will say there’s been a lot of personal growth for me. Actually there was a Bible verse today that came up on my phone notifications that reminded me of the last year. It’s from Luke 6:28 and says “bless those that curse you and pray for those that hurt you.” I know that’s something that can be hard for so many of us to follow. It seems so much easier to just respond instead with the same intent to hurt someone when they hurt you, but I’m learning that in the end that doesn’t make me feel any better and as hard as it may be, I would rather not lash out at them with hate or anger. I have to believe that love does and will prevail, that gives me hope.
What I will share on here is that recently we had to make the hard decision of laying our dog Biggie to rest. It was so unexpected and sudden, there are moments where I’m still trying to adjust to that. I always said his death would be bittersweet because Biggie and I did butt heads so much. That boy made me want to pull my hair out countless times. There were times I just couldn’t handle it with him around because of his potty “accidents” in our home or stuff he’d chew and get into. But there were also a million more moments where I mostly just loved him and enjoyed having him around. His face. I’ll never forget that mug of his. His sweet eyes and face. When the thought of him being gone brings tears to my eyes, I just think to myself how blessed we were that we got to love on him and enjoy him for 11 years. He got to live a very healthy, long, and loved life.
This is one of my favorite photos of him. That sweet face.
On our last night with him, we took a family walk with him around the lake. He was tired and so we put him on the wagon and our girls got to love on him and so did we. That night we even left our bedroom door open (he never slept in any of our rooms) and sure enough he beelined it to that rug in our bedroom and snuggled up and fell asleep before we even made it to bed. The girls asked if they could also sleep on our bed and we said sure and so all 5 of us were in the same room. The next day we took one last walk with him again before the 9am appointment with the vet. We took photos again, let him walk off leash, cried, hugged him and loved on him some more. I’m so glad that we had those last moments with him and that we didn’t just come home one day and find him passed away. Now he’s resting pain free. My sweet troublemaker boy Biggie.
That quote is from the book Killing Kennedy by Bill O’Reilly & Martin Dugard.