Sometimes I find that I’ve done a pretty good job of reminding my mind to forget certain details about my past, particularly my early childhood. Things that I know are there but that I’ve sort of buried away because I don’t really want to dig up those emotions or because I feel I’ve laid them to rest, or it’s just not the right time for me to bring them up again. And there are some things that really haven’t taken that much effort for me to forget, I honestly don’t remember them, and so sometimes I find myself surprised when something casual in my day to day actions suddenly brings up a memory that is so vivid I could swear I was back in that moment, reliving it exactly as I lived it the first time – or experienced it several times.
I go through spells in my preference for music and the last couple days I have fallen for country music again. To the point where in order to get my fix I actually watched all episodes of season 1 of the TV show Nashville on our Netgear. Every time I would hear a song on the show I felt like time and space would freeze for me. There’s something about music that moves me in such a way where I feel that every chord that is played is shooting straight to my heart and countless emotions are running through me.
As I sat here putting my headphones on and listening to the only country music I currently have on my phone, the soundtrack to Nashville sung by the cast of the tv show, I started to think about when my love for country music started and my mind stopped at some very vivid and fond memories of my father.
I think that a big part of my love for music, my romanticism, and my sentimentality come from my father. What was going through my mind was I started to remember all the times I would wake up in the middle of the night and my dad would be sitting in the living room listening to music and how thoughtful he looked. I wonder now what it was he was thinking about, I was so young then that the idea of what my dad may be thinking or feeling probably didn’t cross my mind. But what I remembered so vividly just now was how much I loved seeing him there, listening to his music. And it’s because of that that I came to love everything from classical, timeless oldies (both from English and Spanish artists), country music, and countless other styles. I think that maybe the music he played often times were an outward expression of the words and feelings that he sometimes didn’t say.
My dad and I currently have a bit of a distant relationship because of some resentment and distrusting feelings that I have over the choices he makes and has made, but it was nice to know that despite that, I do have some very fond early memories of my dad.