I think I had an out of body experience the other day, or at least as close to what one can have while fully awake and alert to everything happening around you at that specific moment.
It had been a busy and productive day at work and as I was driving back home I was thinking of how exhausted I felt, not just thinking it but actually feeling it in every fiber of my body. My husband had been grocery shopping with our daughter and they were waiting for me outside the garage door so I could open it for them because my husband’s clicker has gone MIA, and by the way so has mine now. I quickly found a spot to park and started my trek to the garage door and I must say how totally amazed I am still by how instantaneously the feeling of exhaustion just gets pushed out of my mind (to the point that for a while I don’t even feel it either) as soon as I am within eyesight of my daughter and I see her excitedly approaching me chanting “mami, mami!”. And bam! Just like that I am now in mommy mode. All traces of how I felt just seconds before, gone!
The next moments are like an instantaneous burst of motion for me because I am fully present in each action and word I’m speaking. Our daughter is talking to me, my husband is unloading the items and also talking to me and I am switching without even a moment’s hesitation to conversing with my daughter and listening intently to what she’s trying to explain to me and yet also talking with my husband, and that’s when I suddenly begin to have this out of body experience, because as I’m doing all these things and confirming with my husband that I’ll unload the groceries while at the same time excitedly listening to my daughter, I begin to walk to the kitchen and suddenly it’s like I am slightly above my physical self and I see myself in all these fluid moments, having these multiple conversations and then I hear this little voice in the back of my head whispering “weren’t you just thinking how exhausted you felt…wow…you go girl!!!”
I don’t know how it’s possible that those moments take place, and at the same time that I’m a little in awe of what’s transpiring I also know that that state of being can’t be all together healthy, but of course I have to give myself the proper strength otherwise the alternative may just be succumbing to exhaustion and zonking out on the couch. But the good thing is that I do appreciate and feel every moment, I am not in any kind of zombie like or robotic state (thank goodness), but like I said, sometimes the switch from one person/role/convo is so bam, bam, bam, that I’m in awe by how it can all happen and flow so naturally and smoothly at times.