I had a very emotional moment just now. I was finishing nursing Elysse and as she lay in my arms deep in sleep I felt the tears streaming down my face and a myriad of thoughts flooding my mind.
Thoughts that made me feel sad, lonely, empty and insecure. Thoughts that make me want to just isolate myself and shut down my heart.
And as I cried I thought, who can I talk to that will understand how to hear me and speak to me with the kindness of God in their heart? Because I thought to myself, I know how to pray to God and speak with him. I pray for him to help me be the person he so intended me to be, but I don’t know how to connect with him through scripture. And I need to connect with God through his word. I long for that.
As I thought and a couple names came to mind of whom I could reach out to I decided instead to search in the You Version Bible app which I recently downloaded to my phone, and I typed the word empty. I instantly got some excerpts from various readings from the Bible and one in particular stood out to me.
I found it in Ecclisiastes, with the title so aptly serving as a reminder to me: Boldly Face the Future.
“But there are some things that you cannot be sure of. You must take a chance. If you wait for perfect weather, you will never plant your seeds. If you are afraid that every cloud will bring rain, you will never harvest your crops.”
Ecclesiastes 11:4 ERV
The moment I read those words I knew God had guided me to find them and I felt some pressure removed off myself.
God reminds me that while there is so much I will never be sure of, there are so many situations I can face boldly and with the knowledge that God is in fact guiding me every step of the way because while I may not be sure of some things, I know God is with me every step of the way. He will be the one to fill any emptiness or loneliness I may sometimes feel, so long as I let him in.