I felt so fuchi (gross) this morning. It’s always like the last 5-10 minutes before finally exiting the house where every once in a while I just feel so overwhelmed by it all and I get the most negative thoughts swirling around in my head.
I think of how damn hard parenting and all of the responsibilities are. I know it’s worth it and I am so thankful for all our blessings and I know I shouldn’t complain, however, that doesn’t take away the fact though that sometimes I do get overwhelmed by it all.
I feel tired, exhausted, like nothing gets done, like every day it’s one thing after another after another and it never ends. And then to top it off I didn’t get proper sleep (our baby girl Elysse again waking me up middle of the night) and I haven’t worked out and I’ve been eating like crap so I feel all blah.
So I feel like I’m spiraling out of control and for a moment a sob escapes my body and I want to just cry, but I don’t, because who has time for that right now? I have a daughter to take to summer camp and an office to get into and so I just brush it off and get the next thing on my list of things I need to grab and take with me to get out of the house.
But I do want to cry because I feel like I’m climbing this enormous mountain of things to get done and no matter how much I chip away, at the end of the day, the end of the week, I feel like I’ve accomplished nothing and I keep falling down and starting all over again.
And then I get in the car and take a deep breath and start to drive out and turn on the radio, and then it happens. Thank the Lord for his amazing grace and for always, always being there. Even when I think or feel I am alone and that somehow I need to push those heavy and negative thoughts out of my head all on my own, He reminds me I am not alone. Sometimes He does it in inspirational ways and other times with something funny, but he is there. His grace and love is there.
Foot Loose was starting to play on the radio. For the first few seconds I still had that heavy feeling, but then I put the volume up just a little more and I could feel the music. Foot Loose is one of my absolute favorite songs. It’s one of those songs that when I hear it, whether it’s in the car or at home or at work, I just want to get up and dance. And really, how can you listen to that song and not feel the slightest urge to bop your head and sway your shoulders? I sure can’t.
And God knew. Thank you God. He is always there for me, reminding me that those negative thoughts don’t need to take control of how I feel and that I can replace them with something good.
I know that all the tough time are worth it. I know that I am blessed. I know that I’m doing a great job. Sometimes I just need to cut loose.