I can remember very clearly different stages in my childhood and into early adulthood suddenly having this thought come over me “I am meant to do something great. I know that God has given me a special purpose in life.” Pretty powerful words to think and feel when you’re a kid or young teenager rolling into adulthood. What I can’t remember though is what came after those thoughts. What caused them to sometimes fade.
And so I find myself at age 43, mother of two little girls, listening to the message at church this past weekend and feeling myself get emotional while this knot in my throat builds. Because the subject was Hiding Our Treasures. And it was all I could do to hold those emotions down and write as much as I could of what was said by leadership and wellness coach April Diaz.
I realized one of the scariest things for me is sharing my writing because it is like exposing my most vulnerable naked self. Because what I write comes directly from my heart. And there is nothing more frightening than opening that door, to be seen and heard; in all my beauty and imperfection.
So here I am, making the first step. Sharing my notes from church. And I feel my heart race and yet I know this is my treasure that I don’t want to hide.
The other part of my truth and treasure is my deep love and faith in God. Some may be on the same page with me and some may not, and that is okay. I am not here to convince you and I’m certainly not here to judge. What I do know is that when I go to church it is impossible for me to ignore what a truly incredible creation we are. His most amazing creation. It’s impossible to be negative and not count my blessings when I am reminded that He gave us each our own special treasure and that he made the good in us and the greatness we are meant to be and share with others.
So having heard this message at church, I am moved to pursue this passion of writing and of connecting and lifting others, because that is what excites me. Because when I am in the midst of these three things I feel alive. I feel a soft whisper of those two phrases from my childhood.
And as I shared this with my husband on the drive home I realized something important from the questions he asked me. I am not looking for glory through my writing, but rather just to connect with people. Because maybe my story telling will inspire them to share their story.
I also allowed myself to remember that what I dreamed most as a child was to become an English Literature teacher.
I told my husband I thought of how his niece’s teacher invited people over to her home for storybook time. And my husband said so why not do it? Why not read to the girls (which I do) and invite other children I know over. The thought made my heart sore because it would be so wonderful to inspire young children to develop a love for reading.
And I want to inspire myself to not close the door on my love for writing because I have been journaling since I could scribble. When I see Celeste or Elysse with a notebook drawing and writing, I can’t help but think that the biggest influence I can have in sharing my treasure is right there in front of me. That as their mom I can teach them to develop and share their own gifts and to have that confidence and bravery so that they won’t hide the treasures God gave them.