This time I am really pushing the limits. I have two weeks to come up with three different papers and things are not looking good. Actually the final copy of one of the papers isn’t due until the 2oth, but I still need to come up with some kind of draft by the 9th. On the one hand I have a very valid reason for my fatigue and lack of motivatin in getting started with the research and writing of said papers, but that explanation will come in due time. On the other hand though, I wonder…is there a much deeper meaning hidden beneath this habit of pushing the limits on my deadlines?
As I was taking out some clothes from the dryer tonight (yes, I realize this is time I could have been using for research) and I began to think about my earlier days in school, I remembered a few occasions where I had waited until the last minute to complete an assigment and the nervous & anxious butterfly feeling that would come over me. There were even a few memories of going to bed on a Sunday night and dreading waking up the following day, knowing that I had failed to complete an assignment. My earliest memory of these feelings is probably around 5th grade, what I don’t understand though is why I would set myself up for this kind of situation or prolong what I knew needed to get done.
What I found over the years though is that when it comes to writing I usually do my best work under pressure. This has it’s downside. I mean it’s great because I’ve always managed to complete an assignment, but it’s bad in that I now find myself constantly putting myself in that situation and while getting a good grade is great, it has a downfall. Why? Well it’s wonderful to know I pulled together a paper to be proud of, but when that happens it’s only further fueling my belief that this system is okay and why change things if they produce a great outcome?
I’ve never been the kind of person to actually use the couple months in advance to prep and slowly work my way to finish an assignment. I’m actually the complete opposite. I watch day after day go by and I think, it’s okay, I still have time. The problem this time around is that when I had all the intention to get started, an exhaustion completely out of my control took over to the point where all I wanted to do every night after coming home from school or work was sleep. I wasn’t counting on that!
While I could again be doing some research right now instead of blogging, I opted to write these thoughts instead because in a way they have helped to clear my mind.