Life

I’m only human

I wasn’t sure what to do with the song “Human” by Christina Perri when I first heard it. I had been having a particularly difficult day where I felt sad and unappreciated and just tired. I knew I wanted to share it on here, but I was unsure whether I would write any of my own thoughts to go along with the song or just post the song, because it speaks so much when you just take a moment to listen to the words and hear the song.

A few days have gone by and tonight I dug a little deeper and realized why a part of me was hesitant to share my own thoughts, because a part of me feels guilty to even feel connected to a song like this. But I shouldn’t. I know and understand that I have more than I could ever want or need and have so many blessings from God that I am immensely thankful for. But I’m only human. And there are moments when I do feel like I can’t do it all, that I will crash and break down and fall apart, because I’m only human. Despite having beautiful blessings to be thankful for. Because nothing in life comes easily, because relationships aren’t just handed perfectly on a platter. Because things do get confusing, frustrating and complicated and sad moments will come…and go. And that’s when I realized I couldn’t just post the song without sharing a part of me, because this is a part of me.

And because as easily as I can connect to a song like this, I can also connect to a beautiful song that speaks of Christ and his love for us and my love for him, or a song about the beautiful blessing that family is. Because there are so many facets to life and what I experience and who I am and what I feel, and that nothing – not even a feeling – is permanent. We are always changing and evolving, and I need to be able to feel and accept all parts of myself – even the ones that make me feel sad, angry, upset, frustrated and a bit guilty.

Not to long ago I shared a post about how deeply I connect with music sometimes and how I’ve come to understand that the best way to deal with some of these emotions that I feel is by allowing myself the opportunity to feel a song deeply and let it cleanse me. This is one of those songs that does that for me right now. And it helps me to feel better and to see things better at times after listening to it. And what music also does is it helps me to get out of myself and also accept and realize when I am being a mean jerk myself, because we have all been there. We are only human after all.

I can hold my breath. I can bite my tongue. I can stay awake for days, if that’s what you want. Be your number one. I can fake a smile. I can force a laugh. I can dance and play the part if that’s what you ask. Give you all I am.  I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. But I’m only human and I bleed when I fall down. I’m only human and I crash and I break down. Your words in my head, knives in my heart, you build me up and then I fall apart. Cause I’m only human.

I found this youtube video that ChristopherClark91 choreographed to the song.

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