Motherhood

About a mom: Total downward spiral 

  

Well the meltdown of all meltdowns happened earlier this evening. It was almost epic. Mommy lost it a little. 

After an evening of non stop moments of being needed as a mom, I was trying to wrestle our 1 year old into her damn PJ (which is equivalent to getting a drunk person into bed), when I sort of had this out of body experience and suddenly everything just sort of poured down on me. 

I realized, this is my life. Non stop one thing after another. Being my 1 year olds own personal jungle gym. Adjusting to this new sometimes clingy personality that our 4 year old has suddenly morphed into. Dealing with our dog’s very (consistently) bad behavior and thinking, I can’t take this anymore. 

Next thing I know I’m sitting on the floor of our daughters room and before I know it I’m bawling. Like serious bawling my heart out. Elysse our 1 year old is trying to, again, crawl on top of me. Our 4 year old is a little sick and sitting on the toilet going #2, and me, I can’t stop crying. And thinking, I’m telling all my friends that don’t have kids – don’t do it. Don’t have kids. And I’m wondering, What the f was I thinking?! What in the heck did I possibly imagine parenting would be like?’ I think all I thought about was I would be starting a family and creating a little life that is part me and part my husband and our families. 

I never ever imagined all the exhaustion, frustration, responsibility and countless other things that come with having a baby. I don’t know what I thought, really, but it was definitely nowhere near the reality of what like with kids is. It is HARD. Exhausting. Frustrating. 

I’m thankful to have our family and I have the common sense to be honest and tell you the truth. Parenting is not for the faint of heart. 

Oh and I don’t really drink coffee so I say “sheer will power” and “I don’t even know anymore” would be what my little pie chart looks like. 

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