Life · Motherhood

Anticipation 

The worst kind of anticipation is waiting to get news that you don’t know will be good or bad.
The week leading up to finding out the results of my thyroid mass biopsy was unnerving. I am a worrier by nature. My mind always comes up with the worst case scenario, and boy did I come up with the worst case scenario during that week. Especially now that I’m a mom.

Everything changes when you become a parent. I still worried about something happening to me when I had no husband or children, but it was a different kind of worry. The worry you feel when it comes to your own health or that of your loved ones becomes magnified by like a thousand when you have kids. It’s when you truly realize that life is out of your hands, you are not in control. Sure you can do things to help, be proactive about your physical, mental, and emotional health, but it is to such a small degree. You are not in control. I am not in control. So I worry. Because I can certainly control how many worrisome thoughts I have and when I stop them and how out of proportion I let them go. 

The other nice thing about having kids is that you don’t have as much free time to worry about negative results. Until night time of course. Then the little wretched thoughts come creeping in.

When I finally got the email from the doctor I had a moment of complete fear, and right before I clicked on the email to get my results I thought, this can’t be bad, because if it was bad they would have called me. Who in their right mind would deliver bad news via email?

I was right. Thank God. The biopsy from the mass in my thyroid came back benign. Relief. I was so happy I immediately called/texted husband, family, and my close friends that I had shared the biopsy news with. The only follow up the doctor recommended was a 6 month check up to make sure the mass has remained the same.

And just like that a little bit of that worry left me. I still get little thoughts here and there but for now I am so thankful to God that nothing cancerous or tumor related was found. 
 

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