In the past few weeks there’s been a shift in me.
If you’ve followed my blog you know that some of my posts in the last year or two (quite possibly even more) have been pretty dark and filled with feelings of loneliness. Some would even say downright negative and whiny. Ouch.
I’ve been honest though. Especially when it comes to my personal experience with motherhood/parenting. I realized that while two adults can be in the same parenting household, I do believe the experience is very subjective. The feelings evoked and the way each parent sees a situation is subjective to what emotions it stirs inside the adult because the Mom and Dad each have their own childhood experience as well as their emotional and mental state at the time of any situation.
So what I shared along the way was my own personal experience. No right or wrong.
I always thought parenting and being a mom would come easy or naturally for me. Instead much of what I shared was an uphill battle. Because often that’s what it felt like to me.
It took me a long while to realize that I didn’t need to convince others I was a good mom. That there was no wrong in what I felt at times. I needed to believe it myself and know I was. I spent so much energy trying to convince others, when the biggest shift just had to come from inside me.
And in the last few weeks maybe even months I’ve come to find myself at that place. Knowing with confidence and sincerely believing when I say it in my head, or as a whisper, or even out loud… I am a good mom.
This is truly how I see myself now.
Parenting and motherhood is still hard, has it’s trying and beautiful moments, requires infinite grace, patience and acceptance. The difference is I can truly own that I believe in my capability of being a good mom. It’s a pretty powerful feeling. It’s made me appreciate my role, my girls, and my family even more than I ever imagined.