This past weekend I was at a little kid’s birthday party and I saw a lady there that I remembered talking with briefly the year before. As we were all singing and laughing while the kids were hitting the Piñata the lady asked me if we had any kids yet and I said no not yet. She gave me such a quizzical look and I could tell she was trying to figure out how to best help me, although I didn’t need any help. She waited in silence for a few seconds, looking at me, and I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to say so I smiled and responded in spanish something along the lines that I guess we’ll see what God decides, to which she replied “ohhh try harder ok” and gave me a gentle pat on my shoulder. I wanted to burst out laughing. Try harder?
So today I was thinking about that scenario as I got ready for work and my mind went off on various tangents. I was remembering how in my late 20’s and very early 30’s the question I always seemed to get was either if I was married or when was I getting married. People didn’t want to know whether or not I was happy or what else might be going on in life. The magic question was marriage and the right answer seemed to be “yes”, so when I said no over and over again I always got that quizzical look like something must be wrong with me. Or even funnier yet, ladies would say to me “no wonder you look so young!” which always made me laugh and think, okay then, why are you in such a rush to get me married then? I think the reason they were so eager that I get married was so they could finally start asking the real question they’ve been wanting to ask, which is when am I having kids.
I’m a few days shy of my 36th birthday and more often than I’d like I hear people telling me I’m not getting any younger. Yes, I know this and I know the statistics, but the thing is, I’m very happy. I have a wonderful, loving, caring, supportive husband that brightens up my days and inspires me to pursue my goals. Do we want to have a baby one day, of course, but stressing myself over it and putting pressure of a timeline on myself is not going to do me any good. With all this I realize now the unintended harm and pressure we put on people when we constantly ask someone if they are married yet or having a baby yet. I’ve been guilty of it myself and realize now how insensitive that can come off to the person on the receiving end, especially if you don’t know what that person may or may not be struggling with.
What matters most to me right now is this present moment and where God will take my husband and I next because we’re doing our part and the rest is in His hands. This goes back to what I mentioned in an earlier post, that thus far my life has turned out nothing like I ever expected and I’m all the happier because of that. Maybe I’ll be a mom at 40, who knows, and if not there’s always adoption. The bottom line is I plan to enjoy today. This moment. Whatever God brings our way, we will have faith and trust in him.
4 thoughts on “Marriage, Life, Babies, Happiness”
I constantly receive the quizzical looks when I say I’m not married. I have even MORE quizzical looks when I say I’m undecided on whether or not I want to. At 22, there are some things I know I want out of life and other things I’m still deciding on. Marriage is one of the latter, and even though I assure people that if I meet a guy I want to spend the rest of my life with I’ll get married, people still think that I need to have that drive. I agree with you: Enjoy what you have! Once you want kids, have kids 🙂
I know exactly what you mean Lizzi! I say keep doing what you’re doing and loving where you’re at in life. Things really do have a way of happening when they need to.
Well said Yvonne. Take life for what it brings you and be happy with it. Happiness is a state of mind and only you can tell yourself you will be happy or not no matter what happens around you or what people tell or think of you. In life, we get what we deserve…eventually you will get what you need and not just what you want. So, be patient and keep trusting God and you’ll get what you NEED.
I agree with you 100%, especially about having trust in God and things coming when you need them. Everything that I am thankful for has come in my life at the precise moment God knew I needed it and that I was ready. Thank you!