Sometimes I get a little antsy or anxious and I find that when I write it’s like this current passes through me and the feelings spill through my fingers with each word that I create and clarity always seems to follow. My thoughts are a jumble right now so bear with me…
Today I start my 32nd week in my pregnancy which I’m super excited about! Sometimes though it’s a little bit confusing because suddenly I’ll feel a little bit anxious and I don’t know if I’m really feeling anxious about something specific or if I just feel antsy from all the changes going on in my body which I have no control over. Confused still? Of course some people will think, oh yes, you’re feeling antsy because you’re getting closer to your due date and the unknown etc – especially this being our first baby. But that’s not what I mean.
I love all the changes I’ve been experiencing lately. My belly is growing more and more and I’m just as amazed today when I feel all the movements from our baby girl as I was the very first time I felt her. I am in awe of this entire process. It’s amazing to me how the human body can change shape and give life to another little human being and it’s surreal to me to imagine that in a few weeks my husband and I will be able to finally meet this little baby of ours. It’s so hard to explain the overwhelming emotion of happiness and wonder.
And then there’s those changes that make me antsy…like my organs being pushed back who knows where, to the point that I don’t know how my lungs are still functioning, and finding myself out of breath when I’m simply sitting down on the couch or washing dishes or just feeling the slow persistent nagging discomfort on my side or sometimes feeling my entire body get really warm until I’m so hot I feel like I’m in a sauna. All these little things make me a little anxious/antsy.
But then that brings me full circle to my original question. Am I just feeling anxious/antsy because of all the different physical changes I’m experiencing or is it something else? I was reading an article in Self magazine about finding your happiness, doing what you love, being passionate about the things in your life. And I thought to myself, I already feel that way in so many areas of my personal life and I’m so thankful to God for all our blessings. Yet I feel like there’s something more, like there’s something else God has been calling me too and I haven’t quite hit that mark yet.
So I’m going to do what the article said and jot down a list of all the things I’d love to do, no matter how crazy or out of my comfort zone they may sound and go from there. Maybe I’m just hormonal LOL. We’ll see where this new experiment takes me. Either way I feel much better now that I got some of this out.
A happy day to everyone!