It’s 3:30am when I hear “mami!” from the baby monitor and I know it’s Elysse. It’s mostly always Elysse.

As I stumble to the girls bedroom and as I try to soothe her to sleep she tells me “mami, popo” (yes, poopoo). Which stuns me a little because, well, the last time my little one had a poop diaper in the middle of the night was when she was an infant. I pick her up and check her diaper but there’s no poo, just a wet diaper. I get her changed up and after she drinks some water she motions that she wants to go to mommy and daddy’s room. Which is with me because it’s 3:30am and all I want to do is fall back asleep.

We get into bed and she snuggles up between us and is quiet. A few minutes go by and I’m thinking she’s falling asleep when suddenly she whispers “I wuv you mami”. Aw, my heart melts and I tell her I love her too. She whispers a couple more of these to me and then she is quiet for a second and says “I wuv you papi”, which melts both our hearts even more.

Little do I know it’s part of the setup.

So then, after the whole I love you bit, which is very sweet and endearing and of course reminds me why God makes little kids so damn cute. You know, so you don’t mind they’re saying this to you at 3:30 in the morning, she’s quiet again and so I’m falling asleep.

Suddenly she says “popo!” I’m like “what?!” and she says “baño popo” which means bathroom poopoo. Bloody hell! Of course, I instead say “quieres ir al baño?” (you want to go to the bathroom?) and she replies “yam” (her toddler language) which means “yes”.

Mother f-er! I’m pissy as hell because I’m tired and I don’t want to be potty training at 4am. And I’m thinking, of course my kid would decide to finally sit on the toilet to potty train NOT between 7am – 8pm, nooo, that would be too easy. Instead she chooses 4am!!!!

So, there we are at 4 in the morning with me sitting on their little stool barely able to keep myself awake with my hands holding up my chin while Elysse is cheery as can be sitting on her little toilet seat. She’s smiling and carefree and naming all the items she knows the name of in the bathroom. Oh, and then she realizes if she lifts her top up she can see her belly button and that just sends her into a ripple of giggles and happiness. At 4am in the morning (again, why God makes them so damn cute). Fantastic! And I do my best to carry on the oh-so-happy vibe and encourage her that she’s doing gr-eat!

20 minutes later, she did pee and let out a ton of farties. No poop!

So, we make it back into bed and I she tells me she wants to go back to the bathroom. Oh, hell no! Sorry kid. Your cute odometer has lost all its coins and mommy is about to lose her marbles. Which I did a bit. Papa also told her no more bathroom and as she sniffled a little bit and I covered my ears with the blanket, we all eventually zonked out.

Until my alarm went off at 5:15am.

HAHAHAHA!