There is a part of my subconscious (the stronger part) that is doing the bob and weave and saying “really, that’s all you’ve got? Bring it on!” and then the other half of my subconscious is huddled away in a corner, facing the wall, and waving a white flag over her head in defeat, burned out and desperate for some relief.

Some of today’s events were so ridiculously unbelievable in the “bad” timing that as each thing happened all I could do was laugh. God really gave me the best perspective today because any other day I would have probably broken down in tears of defeat.

After a busy day at work I found out my husband wasn’t going to be getting home til after 7pm, possibly later, which meant no breather for me and I would need to walk our beast Biggie. On the bright side, just as I was figuring out what to do with this change in plans, my husband’s sister texted me and after a few exchanges she said she could help out by staying with the baby, she also added she would offer to walk Biggie but didn’t trust his criminal mind hahaha. Now you might be thinking, really how much trouble can a bulldog be? Aren’t they fat and lazy? Well, not our boy. At any rate Biggie and I started out on our walk, trying to take all the shaded paths we could find so as not to overheat. All was well and we were 3/4 of the way done with our walk when suddenly a wasp or bug or something must have triggered his alert mode because the next thing I know he’s doing what I can only describe as air somersaults. He’s flipping all around and then he tries to run off, and I have to remind him that he’s attached to the leash which yes, is attached to my hand and I don’t plan on landing on my face or ass. Eventually he calms down enough so that I can get on all fours and try and see what all the fuss is about, basically figure out if he got bit. I’m drenched in sweat and finding nothing, and at that point one of our neighbors sees me and they kindly ask if I’m alright. It was really sweet of them because they wanted to make sure Biggie could walk because otherwise they would help me get him home. Obviously I wouldn’t be able to lug home 60 lbs of mass.

We finally make it home, and my consolation is that since my sis in law and her daugher are visiting, they are more than happy to feed Celeste her solid food when she wakes up. So after some play time with the baby and feeding Biggie I manage to take a 15 min break. Eventually 7p rolls around, goodbye’s are exchanged, and the family leaves and I feed Celeste. Ah, but just as things are going well, I pick Celeste up and she suddenly spits up all over my chest, left shoulder, back of my left shoulder, and yes, even managers to get some on my left calf. How, I don’t know, but I am quite drenched in milk. After cleaning up and changing her, I put her in her pack & play so I can finally make myself something to eat. I’m famished!

I need something quick so I decide on pasta ravioli’s filled with chicken and cheese that just need to be boiled and served. Celeste is happy as can be and when my food is done I notice that she’s rolled to her side so I walk over to sit her up, and that’s when I see all this green poop all up the back of her shirt. With one quick glance to the stove I sigh, and pick up my little pooper to get her cleaned up yet again. I finally manage to sit down and eat at 8:15pm.

I so need a break. I would love to have a day, heck, not even a full day, maybe 6 hours where I don’t need to worry about diapers, clothing changes, pumping, feedings, work…where maybe I could go enjoy a workout, take a nice non-rushed shower, relax and read a book. Seriously, if it wasn’t because I treasure my sleep so much (not to mention I need sleep otherwise I’d be even more pissy/on edge) I would gladly do all my activities after 10p when Celeste is alseep and the world is quiet and I have all the alone time I want. Except by then I’m tired, and as much as I want to do things, all I can think about is bed and sleep. And showering, because in this heat, I am one hot mess.

In the meantime, I’m thankful for God and having the right perspective today, because rather than break down, I laughed. And the thing is, one look our little one’s sweet lovable face and I know that I’m ready to do it all over again, and my stronger subconscious is right there front and center.

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